We Need a New Word for “Networking”

For many people, the idea of “networking” sounds like a chore: it inspires distaste, an eye roll, possibly downright aversion. For introverted souls it can cause anxiety, even terror; and for the most well-connected, it can seem plebeian, beneath one’s pay grade. In any case, outside of die-hard sales groups, “networking” is rarely a beloved concept.

But if we think about what networking really means, most of us understand its significance. Building our “network” of contacts is helpful in almost any type of career: whether you are a student, or a highly educated professional, or a scrappy entrepreneur, or an artist—which, I’d argue, falls within the category of “scrappy entrepreneur”—or a top executive, building relationships outside of your closest circle is almost always beneficial, even necessary, in finding growth opportunities.

Even so, if approached with apprehension or skepticism, networking is less likely to succeed in fostering one’s professional network. And now, new challenges have arisen that make networking daunting for a younger set of workers, just when they need the activity most.

The New Networking Struggle

A recent Forbes article, citing data from LinkedIn, claims that Gen Z professionals are struggling to network and create relationships. According to LinkedIn:

Nearly two thirds of Gen Z (64%) say no one has clearly shown them how to build professional relationships, leaving many unsure who to approach, when to reach out or how to start a conversation. Gen Z may also be underestimating just how willing people are to help. While many worry about getting in touch, the majority (83%) of Millennials and Gen X professionals say they would help someone at the start of their career, even if they didn’t know them.

It’s not surprising that a generation of young professionals who built their social lives largely through smartphones is finding IRL relationship-building daunting. Learning to make conversation vocally, in person, in real time, is a very different exercise compared to texting and Snapchat communications. During my years as owner of a B2B distribution company, we found that the youngest decision makers preferred not to talk on the phone or meet in person; rather, they chose to shop quietly on Amazon and opted for the most impersonal sales experiences possible.

But even for a Gen-Xer like me, early on in my career, I experienced a similar “confidence gap” when faced with networking events or the prospect of building new relationships. It felt daunting to create new contacts out of thin air, and I didn’t know how to begin. I went into events with apprehension and low confidence, which didn’t effect good outcomes.

I realized that unless I changed my attitude about networking opportunities, I would never enjoy them, let alone benefit from them. “Networking” felt like going through motions, doing what I was supposed to be doing, rather than finding any true value.

Now, though, I recognize a core problem in my approach: I was viewing networking from a selfish perspective, wondering what I would gain from the process and from others. “What’s in it for me?” seemed to be the default networking attitude of others, as well. It was a selfish activity all around.

Flipping the Networking Focus

To me, the word “networking” is inherently self-seeking and transactional: it’s about my network, my needs, my interests and my success. When I approached it that way, I didn’t find the effort enjoyable or fruitful.

Somewhere along the way, I heard advice that changed my attitude. I wish I could remember where I found the sage words, but they said something along these lines: When networking, don’t think about what others can do for you; instead, focus on what you can do for others. Be of service to people without expecting any help in return.

It seemed counterintuitive, but also much more interesting to me, as I find the idea of helping people appealing, even thrilling. Somehow, shifting my attitude to being of service to others helped me discard the word “networking” from my consciousness, and replace it with a concept of connection and service. I started to focus on how I might be helpful to others, and it was then that the process of building relationships started to become life-changing in my world.

Science has backed up my experience, with data showing that generosity is neurologically and psychologically beneficial, linked to greater happiness and physical health. This fact should help assuage our fears of being troublesome when we try to connect with and build relationships with others; if they can be of service to us, it will likely make them feel happier.

Connections are a Need

Beyond the ability to be generous and of service, connecting with others is simply essential to our well-being. In the book Social by Matthew Lieberman, he explains how our brains are physically wired to crave human connection, and how being social contributes to our well-being. He writes, “When we’re socially connected, we are happier, healthier, and better citizens. … Being social makes our lives better. Yet, every indication is that we are getting less social, not more.”

Networking, or building serviceable relationships, can therefore mean much more than the selfish interpretation of enhancing one’s network. It can mean fostering caring connections that feed our human need to be social, to contribute to the fabric of our communities, to cooperate and collaborate with others. Being social is not just for our “social lives” - it’s an inherent need in all aspects of life.

More People, More Opportunities

It’s a simple fact of life that being well-connected affords more, and better, ways to enhance one’s livelihood. In any kind of professional endeavor, or creative pursuit, or educational path, being rich in relationships helps you find more work, better work, and better understanding of the path to success. And thanks to our human brains and social natures, being rich in relationships also makes us happier and healthier, and helping others is a one of the best ways to achieve that happiness. The universe seems to build social connection and giving into our most important growth opportunities.

So, if you’re a young person, or a person of any stripes, who wants to get better at networking—if you want to meet new people, perhaps outside of your immediate sphere of influence, or strengthen relationships with people you know casually, or simply expand and foster your community—maybe imagine a new brand of networking. Whether it’s being of service, or connecting for the sake of connecting, or sparking social bonds to feed your brain, make this brand one of the most highly valued in your life. That perspective shift, for me, along with years of practice, has made all the difference for success.